One of the things I love about Christmas is celebrating advent with my family. There is something about the lights, the time off the kids have from school, and their wonderment that makes remembering what God did for us in sending Jesus to this world to live among us and bring us salvation such a special time. As a family we spend time weekly leading up to Christmas remembering different parts of the Christmas story. I thought I would share the format we are using this year in this blog post. I know it is late in the season and Christmas is almost here, but take a couple of the ideas and see if they work with your family. Merry Christmas and enjoy celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Day 1: Angel’s Announcement to Mary and Joseph

Read: Luke 1:26-38 (Mary); Matthew 1:25 (Joseph)
Question to Ponder: What do you think it was like to get a message from an angel? What does it mean that the angel told them about Jesus ahead of time?

Activity: Take a moment and write down one thing the Lord has told you or taught you this past year. Then share that thought with the family.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for working through ordinary people like Mary and Joseph and for their faith and trust in you. May we respond to the things you are trying to teach us in our lives in the same way they did to the message of Jesus’ birth. Thank you for all you did to tell us ahead of time that Jesus was coming in your word. Amen.

Day 2: Shepherd’s encounter with the Angels and Jesus

Read: Luke 2:8-20
Question: Why do you think the shepherds were so excited? What do you think it looked like to glorify and praise God?

Activity: Write a thank you letter to Jesus for all he has done for you. Be sure to thank him for who he is and share why you are excited to celebrate his birthday. Place the cards under the tree so we can read them out loud on Christmas morning.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for coming down to this earth as a human just like we are and for showing us how to live. We are excited to celebrate your birthday with you this month and look forward to the day we can celebrate with you forever in heaven. Amen.

Day 3: Wisemen Bring Gifts

Read: Matthew 2:1-18
Question to Ponder: What did each of the gifts the wisemen brought signify? Where they worth a lot?

Activity: Make an ornament to hang on the tree as a gift to Jesus. Write one thing you want to give him this year from your life. It could be sharing with others or anything you want.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the gift of life that you have given us by coming to this earth, dying for us, and being resurrected from the dead so we can have that new life. Help us to be wise in our own lives like the wisemen were in how they responded to Herod. We give you our lives as you gave yours for us. Amen.

Day 4: Jesus’ Birthday

Read: Luke 2-1-20 & John 1:1-14
Question to Ponder: Why is Jesus’ birthday so important?

Activity: Tell the Christmas story using the nativity set as props. Each person takes turns reading a piece of the story and placing the nativity pieces in place. Then sing happy birthday to Jesus and each person takes turns reading their thank you notes to Jesus out loud. Close by singing “silent night” together & prayer.

Tags: Advent

Read: Matthew 25:31-46

How aware are you of the needs of those around you? On any given day it could be the more obvious needs that we usually try to ignore like the guy on the street with a sign asking for food or money. Or the woman pushing a shopping cart with all her possessions in it. But there are also the more subtle ones that are easy for us to miss not because we are trying to ignore them, but rather because we are too busy doing our own thing to actually notice. The woman who is struggling with two kids and grocery bags trying to get to her car. The person sitting in the corner of a coffee shop quietly sobbing over news he just got on his cell phone. The person who has come by your office several times bothering you with simple questions that don’t make sense who really wants to talk about some issues in his life but doesn’t know how to break the ice to start the conversation.

There are people all around us who need our care. As Jesus said in Matthew there are people who are thirsty and need a cup of water, hungry and need food, or cold and need clothing. He tells us that when we take care of these needs that people have and give to others it is as if we are doing it to him. How do we get to the place where we see others as Jesus does? Or even see Jesus in others so we pay attention and respond to them as we would to him? There is such a tendency to be so busy doing good things that we don’t even see the most important things in this world. I want to have the eyes of Christ this Christmas and beyond to see the needs around me and respond to them as he would if he were me. If the God of the universe could give our world the gift of his presence as a baby and ultimately his death as a man, the least I can do as an act of gratitude and worship to him is to serve those he came to die for.

Lord, help me to see others with your eyes. Make me aware of the needs around me and give me the means to respond to those needs. Amen.

Tags: Advent

Well I haven’t done much writing on my blog in the month of November. I put a few screencasts up but just couldn’t seem to get any writing done. The main reason was because of my participation for the second year in National Novel Writing Month. I love to write and I know that the more I write the better I will get at it. The usual problem with writing anything of length is the motivation and consistency to do so. I have found that NANOWRIMO really helps to motivate me to focus on a long writing project consistently for one month. The challenge is to write 50,000 words in a month. Now I know that sounds like a lot of words in a short period of time and it is. But knowing that others around the world are doing the same thing and being able to track your progress and theirs really makes it fun to try to get after a goal that big.

For the second time in two tries I have reached the goal and as a result have gotten a good start on a couple of books I wanted to write. Each region has groups that set up write in’s at local coffee shops or libraries. There was a Facebook page for South Orange County where people posted inspiration and their writing totals. It really was and is a neat community of writers all going after the same personal goal and inspiring each other to do the same. South Orange County wrote 15,256,586 words in 30 days with all of Orange County writing 26,709,767 words! Some pretty impressive stuff there.

It was great to be a part of it and to get 50,000 words towards a writing project I am doing jump started in a month. Thanks to everyone involved for the inspiration and sharing your stories. I look forward to NANOWRIMO 2012!

Tags: NANOWRIMO, Writing, Accomplishments

Read: Matthew 4:12-17, Isaiah 9:1-3, Matthew 5:14-16

In my advent reflection this morning I read about Jesus being the light of the world who came into a world of darkness to show us the way. It is interesting to think about the fact that the bible uses light as a symbol of who Christ is and was when he came to this earth. Light illuminates the things around it and makes it easier to move about and function in a dark space. Light keeps us from hurting ourselves or from grabbing the wrong thing when we can only base our decision on what we feel. Light allows us to see things for what they really are instead of guessing at what we think something is and hoping we are right.

Light is a perfect example of who Jesus is. He came to bring us the truth and embodied that truth in his life here on the earth. He lived the life that God always intended for us to live, not because God loves rules or wants to spoil our fun. As the author and designer of life, he knows how he created us and what he intended for us that we would experience joy in living. Because we thought we knew best and wanted to do our own thing we went in the direction of darkness and are merely settling for a cheap substitute for joy so we are constantly trying to manufacture it instead of experiencing it through living the way God intended. He sent Jesus to show us the way to live and to understand how thinks were designed to work in this world. Through the life of Christ and his lighting the way for us we are able to see things for what they really are, move around in this world with intention and purpose and no longer have only our feelings on which we base decisions. Living the way God intended, in the light, is the source of purpose and joy because we are living as our creator intended.

I pray that this Christmas I would continue to do everything I can to live in the light instead of hiding in the darkness. The more I am who I am in every situation in life and don’t try to play a role or look good for others, the more I am relaxed and can live in the moment and enjoy the life I have been given. The more I live for other’s perceptions the more I stumble around and am captive to those perceptions. I want my life to shine as a light as Jesus’ life was a light to this world.

Father, thank you for sending Jesus to this earth to show me how to live. Help me to walk in the light that you have shown me and live my life in the fullness you desire for me. Amen.

Tags: Advent

This is the second screencast in the series I’m doing on Google+. In this screencast I cover how to set up your profile page and what all the security features look like. If you have any questions or comments feel free to respond below. Also if there are other screencasts you would like me to do leave a comment and I’ll see if I can make it happen.

You can also follow all my screencasts at my Youtube Channel. Enjoy!

Tags: Tutorials, Screenflow, Social Media, Google, Plus, Google+, Screencast

Here is a screencast walkthrough of Google+, Google’s new social media site. Google+ is a lot like Facebook but with some added features. You also get the integration of many of the other Google services into Google+ and it has become a pretty big hangout for photographers especially with unlimited uploads at high resolution (2048x2048 pixels). I will be adding more screencasts on each feature of Google+ but this should get you started if you always wondered what it was and wanted a tour without having to commit. Let me know what you think and any other screencasts you would like me to do in the comments below.

You can also follow all my screencasts at my Youtube Channel. Enjoy!

Tags: Tutorials, Screenflow, Social Media, Google, Plus, Google+, Screencast

I recently had my dad ask how to update two drives to one. He has two internal drives in his MacPro that he he wants to back up to his Drobo without using Drobo Copy which has been giving him errors lately. He doesn’t want to go through the process of partitioning his Drobo which I have tried before on a Drobo and is not really the way I like to use my Drobo either especially since my space needs could change at anytime and having to repartition a Drobo takes a lot of time and takes away the benefit of just adding storage. I prefer to use it as one big drive myself.

To help him see how to back up two drives to one, I put together a podcast to walk him through the process. The basic instructions on how to do this can be found in the manual for SuperDuper! found HERE. Enjoy!

Tags: Mac OSX, Backup, Tutorials, Screenflow, Screencast

Discipleship
Developing the character of Christ and looking for ways to develop spiritual habits that connect our boys to Christ are challenging things to do with so many competing things in our boys lives. They are involved in church as well as school but we need to be the disciplers of our kids. To make this happen in our boys lives we have two things we do in this area.

First we want to have a time where our family engages in discussing what God is doing in our lives so they see that our faith is not merely a meeting we attend a couple of times a week but something we live out and integrate into our lives. So we make sure we eat lunch together after church on Sunday and we review what they learned in the children’s program that day and we share what we learned in big church. We are fortunate that our church puts the videos they use with our kids online along with a study guide for families to use to discuss the things they learned (http://saddleback.com/mediacenter/saddlebackkids/). I use my iPhone to view the video and the discussion guide and we have a great time sharing and looking for ways to apply the things we have learned.

Second we want the boys to see the power of scripture in their lives and to begin to develop the habit of spending a regular time with God in his word. So each boy has an iPod with the bible reading app on it. They have a daily reading plan and we have them read or listen through that plan. The great thing about the YouVersion Bible App (http://www.youversion.com/mobile/iphone) is that they can track along with it and it will read it to you. So they boys have an instant plan and can choose how they want to engage the text. I also created an internal blog on my Mac using Lion Server (you can use any kind of word program) where they journal what they have learned at least a couple times a week. Those journals are then available for everyone to see so we also learn from one another.

These two things have helped us to develop habits in our kids lives and to have spiritual conversations to help them to grow.

Ministry
One of the things every kid needs to know is that they are unique and good at something. They also need to understand that the things that God has given them are not for the purpose of using them for themselves but to use for the good of others. 1 Corinthians 12:7 says, “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” So our gifts are not for ourselves but for others. One of the things our boys need in their lives are the following:

They need to know they are loved unconditionally
They need to know we are proud of them.
They need to know they are good at something.

What we on regular basis is express our love verbally and let them know how proud we are of them, not just for their achievements, but because of who they are. If our boys are going to ever minister to others they need to be filled up with love and sense of who they are in Christ and we can model that through our love and expression of how special they are to us. We also point out the gifts that God has put in their hearts and has given them and help them to see ways they can develop and use those things to serve others.

Mission
Helping our boys have a global worldview and a heart for people and the gospel is something that is important to us. In our boys Kids Small Group experience they were able to share their testimonies with a younger group of kids and really got to process what it meant for them that Christ was their savior. Part of helping them to be open to sharing this with their friends is to help them to remember the things God is doing and has done in their lives and to also help them develop a biblical worldview so they know how to respond to the challenges they will face on a daily basis. To help with this we use the things they may view on television through commercials or their cartoons to talk about whether those things are presenting a biblical perspective or not. One thing I learned from our Pastor was to have the boys be able to point out which of the aspects of lust (lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, pride of life) does each commercial appeal to. It actually makes commercial bearable and a teachable moment at the same time! In addition to having these world view discussions, we try to remember all of the times we have seen God show up in our lives. Remembering those things is a theme expressed throughout the scriptures and is something that parents are commanded to do with their kids in the Old Testament. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” One of the things we are going to start doing is recording the ways we have seen God show up in our lives and write them on stones that we will put in a pot that we will pull out and review often. Helping our boys to reflect and remember is a crucial part to helping them have a biblical worldview.

As you can see nothing here is rocket science. These are just some basic things we are trying to do with our kids to help them always remember God’s presence in their lives and to help to grow to have a love for God that is greater than their love for anything else. We are not perfect at this and have times where we are not as consistent as we want to be. But having a plan has helped us to stay focused on what is important! What are some ways you help your kids grow spiritually?

Tags: Discipleship, Kids, Parenting

Apple recently revamped their MobileMe service and moved it to iCloud which is a way to keep all of your information in sync between your devices and also available in the cloud. This is a major update and involves a few steps to get everything moved over so I thought I would do a screencast to record my process of moving my MobileMe account over to iCloud for those who are visual and want to see what will happen step by step before they take the leap. In the video I reference a few sites that Apple has put up to help walk people through the process so I am putting the links below for those who just want the facts and don’t need to see the walk through. This is my first podcast so there are probably some things in the production that are not quite right such as the number of times I say “um”.

How to Set Up iCloud: http://www.apple.com/icloud/setup/

MobileMe Move Site: http://mobileme.com/move

Tags: Apple, ICloud, Tutorials, Mac OSX, Screenflow, Screencast

There is an interesting article on Ars Technica about a study done with people who have autism and their response to social pressure when it comes to charitable giving. You can see the article HERE. The conclusion of the article says:

So, it is clear that people with autism don’t increase their charitable donations when they are being watched. Why not? There are two potential explanations: first, they aren’t able to make the cognitive leap to understand how others form impressions of them, or second, that having a good reputation simply isn’t rewarding to them.

Although researchers aren’t yet sure why this phenomenon occurs, this is good evidence that disorders on the autism spectrum are characterized by a problem with theory-of-mind and social representations. We have a long way to go in discovering the neurological underpinnings and behavioral ramifications of autism, but it’s an important step in understanding the how the disorder works.

Having two boys on the spectrum, both diagnosed with Aspergers which is a high functioning form of Autism I could see where this might be true to a point. My boys are not really concerned with their reputation when it comes to things that don’t really directly effect them like giving money, etc. Where they do have awareness, however, is to social ridicule. They are concerned what others think if they think they might be embarrassed by it. For instance, they know when people make fun of them or when acting out in certain ways might lead to being made fun of because they have experienced it in the past. My son will only melt down at home or in a place where he thinks no one is watching (unless he is so angry he doesn’t care, which is another issue). They also will react after the fact to try to keep from being made fun of again or be in that uncomfortable situation. Where they struggle is with understanding something is off socially in the moment. They miss the nuances that so many of us naturally pick up and learn how to navigate. So in this particular article there is the nuance of knowing that how much they give would even have an effect on what people think about them that would be missed. Bring the idea up to them that how much they give might effect what that person thinks of them and just might increase what they gave in that moment because they do want to do what is expected of them most times.

Interesting stuff and it just shows that there are a lot of factors at play here. One thing I have learned from interacting with other parents with kids on the spectrum is how unique each child is. They may have the same diagnosis but how that diagnosis manifests itself can be different depending on the child. I’m glad research is being done and hopefully will lead to greater understanding.

Tags: Kids, Autism, Social Awareness

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to raise spiritually healthy kids. I have three boys at home, two of which have Aspergers (a high functioning form of Autism). Cheryl and I are challenged on a regular basis to figure out ways to keep them engaged spiritually and looking for ways to help them process things from a biblical perspective. I find that many approaches to raising biblically healthy kids usually are either too complex to make them practical or involve making sure your kids attend the church regularly. Now all of these approaches are valid and have some good points to them, but in the day to day of a busy home with kids who are being asked to do more and more when it comes to school work, how do we practically develop the habits necessary to help them integrate their faith into their lives?

At the church I attend we have the five purposes as a paradigm for things to aim at as it relates to spiritual growth. Those five things are worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, and mission and they come from the Great Commandment (Matthew 22) and the Great Commission (Matthew 28). These five things serve as the basis for what our children’s small groups process uses to train our kids. As Cheryl and I thought through this process we decided to look for ways we could make these five things visible in our own home and reinforce what they are already learning in their small group. Here are some things we have been doing on a regular basis:

Worship
We want to help our kids connect their lives to God and learn that worship is about bringing the moment by moment things of their lives to Him. As Romans 12:2 says,“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.” Beyond talking to them about life and processing the things that are happening from a biblical worldview, we started praying a blessing over them every night as a part of our bedtime ritual. I will pray with each boy separately and pray Numbers 6:25-27 “ May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace. I also pray Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” I will then pray for the events of the next day and for their character. We started this about 4 years ago and today the kids are always making sure that I don’t forget to this. It has created a teachable moment and a way to worship God together on a daily basis.

Fellowship
Helping our boys learn to do relationships is quite a challenge especially when we have two boys who don’t understand all of the nuances of relating to people because of their Aspergers. Yet we want to make sure they know how to handle conflict and how to resolve the issues that can creep up in relationships. Beyond processing what happens in relationships on a regular basis we have set up two things we want them to catch: Confession and Forgiveness. James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” The ability to see a wrong that they have committed and confessing that to the person they have wronged is a huge piece of being able to have deep fellowship with others. Most conflict in relationships is due to the fact that people don’t know how and refuse to admit their part and apologize for it. Confession deals with the guilt we carry around in life and frees us from being ruled by it. Forgiveness is all about releasing the resentment we might have towards someone else. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” We are to forgive as God through Christ has forgiven us. So we teach the boys to handle confession and forgiveness like this:

Confession: “I’m sorry I did ____________. Will you Forgive me?”
Forgiveness: “I forgive you for doing that. We are ok”

In doing this we are hoping that they catch the fact that they need to quickly release the guilt and resentment they could have in life and that relationships with others are worth healing and making right.

In Part 2, we will discuss the other three purpose areas and how we are trying to help our boys to see those things and live them out in their own lives. These are just starting points but we have seen some cool things start to happen in their lives as a result. What are some things you have done in the areas of worship and fellowship to help your kids grow?

Tags: Discipleship, Kids, Parenting

Today I read Ezra 7-10. We would like to think that the things we do wrong in life are only between us and God and are just a private affair. After all, how I live my life should be no one’s business. Besides, if I do anything wrong I am only harming myself. If I do something directly against someone else, like stealing or murder, sure I should be busted for that. But the other subtle things in life that I do are just personal sins that I have to deal with. So we go about life thinking there are only consequences for us and down play any impact those things might have on others.

In Ezra’s day, many in the remnant of Jews who returned to rebuild the temple had gone against God’s commands to not intermarry with the people of the land. I am sure they thought that their disobedience was a small thing. What harm could it be to the overall scheme of things? Besides, it was their decision and didn’t involve anyone else from the community. The reality was, however, that everyone in that community was effected by the sins of the people who chose to disobey God in this area. Part of the command had to do with whether or not the community would be blessed by God or not and whether his hand would be on them. Their personal sin had implications for an entire community.

There are very few sins in this life that are not social or at least have secondary effects on those around us. The decision to take up an addiction, something that seems private, has devastating effects on relationships and the people who know the addict. The decision to love money more than God causes a person to use people and love money instead of loving people and using money. The list could go on and on. When we buy the lie that says it is only hurting ourselves, we get defensive when it is even hinted that our personal life is having a negative impact on the lives of others. But the reality is, there are few sins that don’t had social implications.

The community in Ezra’s day handled their sin in a public way by mourning over what they had done wrong and seeking to put things right according to the laws of their day. Even in the way they needed to put things right had negative consequences for the wives and children they had taken against the commands of the Lord as they were sent away from the community. It is important for us today to realize how much our actions effect others and change our perspective on how private our private lives really are. We need to confess the things we have done wrong to God and seek to make amends and live in the way God set up in the first place. Only then will we understand and live in a way that our lifestyle is one in which we truly love our neighbors as ourselves.

Lord, help me to live my life according to the way you have set before me to live. May the things I say and do not bring harm to those around me. Make me a man of integrity. Amen.

Tags: Ezra, Sin

I see a lot of people in marriage who try to use criticism as a way to connect with their spouse or to help make their spouse a “better person.” I really believe that most people think that their approach to criticism is a good one and only have the best of intentions for their spouse. In fact they feel their form of criticism is constructive or not really criticism at all. The problem with criticism is no one really wants it. Think about it for a moment. How many people would raise their hands and say they could use more criticism in their lives because they really want to grow and be the best they could be? Would you really want to receive the criticism you give to your spouse?

Criticism in a marriage almost always leads to defensiveness and some kind of resentment. Criticism says, “You have something wrong with you and I am going to point it out to make sure you change it because I don’t struggle with those kinds of things in my life.” It almost always comes across as a superiority thing and usually feels condescending at best. It usually communicates that you do not really accept your spouse completely and won’t accept them until they get certain areas of their lives “fixed.”

So if criticism is not constructive, how do I help my spouse change the things that are off? First you need to check your motives. Are you really concerned with helping your spouse grow? Or are you trying to make your own life easier by getting your spouse to go along with your program? If you are doing it for selfish reasons then it will almost always come out wrong. Next, Have you built into the life of your spouse? If you have invested no time into your spouses life and haven’t recognized the positives in your spouses life and pointed them out, it will be difficult to hear your words of correction. Think about it this way, do you honor your spouse as much as you try to change her/him? How many encouraging comments do you give to the number of critical ones? Would your spouse even be able to hear your words of help in areas of her/his life that she/he may need to work on? Or, are you so negative that she/he can’t even hear your words anymore? Have you banked enough encouragement in her/his life that she/he respects and responds when you point out a fault?

If you want to have influence into your spouses life, you need to be a person your spouse trusts and knows has her/his best interests at heart. It is when you have that kind of relationship that it is easy to listen to things you may need to work on in your life. Of course in that kind of response it is not criticism at all but truly helping one another to grow.

Tags: Communication, Conflict

Nineteen years ago today, I stood before God, my family and friends, and pledged my love, life, and faithfulness to my beautiful bride and the love of my life. It was a beautiful day in September and I will never forget seeing her for the first time in her wedding gown as the doors opened and she began walking towards me. I remember thinking how beautiful she was and feeling like the luckiest guy in the world in that moment. I smiled so much that day that the muscles in my face hurt (and it wasn’t just from smiling from all the pictures that are usually taken at a wedding).

Our story was not necessarily unique as stories go but has enough uniqueness to make it uniquely ours. Cheryl and I grew up in the same church together. We both have pictures of events we were in at the same time, but as is the way of things as young kids, I had no use for girls at that time so I never really noticed her. It wasn’t until high school that I really “noticed” her. She was dating someone else at the time so I never really talked to her too much and I probably never would have as I was pretty shy in those days. It took a divine intervention to bring us together.

Cheryl’s school had a Sadie Hawkins Dance, which is basically an excuse for the girls to ask the guy who would never ask her to a dance because he was too shy or usually too dense to know she liked him. Cheryl and a bunch of girls from our youth group decided to put the names of some guys from the youth group into a hat and they had to ask the person whose name they drew to the dance. Now it is pretty obvious to me now that they put the names of people in the hat who they were sure didn’t have a date which is how my name got into the hat. I think I weighed all of 60 pounds and if I stood sideways you wouldn’t notice me except that my nose stuck out. So, in God’s divine providence, Cheryl drew my name out of the hat and she asked me to this dance.

Now I had no idea of the name drawing so I assumed she liked me. After all, why would a girl ask a guy to a dance if she didn’t like him? So I thought it would be a good idea if we went out before the dance and she said sure. So in order to impress her, I decided to take her to Sizzler. Sizzler for those of you who don’t know, is basically Denny’s with a salad bar. It actually sounds better than it really is. So we went to this place and I wanted to impress her so I ordered the biggest drinks they had and they give you a tray to take the drinks to your table while you wait for the food. As we got to the table I tilted the tray and the drinks began to slide off the tray. It all happened in slow motion because that is how I remember it. Coke went everywhere but all of the ice from the cups went into the purse of a women whose back was to us. Being the godly guy that I was I turned to Cheryl and said, “Quick let’s go before anyone notices.” We went and sat in the back corner. I was so embarrassed. As we were sitting there we saw the woman go to get her purse and see all the ice in it. She then looked up at her son and smacked him on the back of the head assuming he put the ice there. So I caused a kid to get busted for what I did on my first date with my wife!

So that is how it all started. We dated for six years until I could graduate from high school and college. I remember the day I proposed to her. I had already taken her dad out for breakfast and asked for her hand in marriage. I was ready to get engaged and wanted to make it special. I told Cheryl we were going to Santa Cruz to hang at the beach and then go to dinner afterward. There was a special spot at a Christian Conference Center where Cheryl and I spent a lot of time talking together along a creek. I knew I wanted to propose to her there so I had my friend Jimmy take the wedding ring and a huge shell and set it on the beach of that creek with the ring in the shell and wait for us to come so I could propose. The plan was perfect and I figured she would have no idea.

One thing about my wife is the fact that she has a way of smelling out any surprise. Her parents tried to throw a surprise party for her and all I had to do was take her out for dinner and bring her home to a house full of all her friends. I did well all the way up to where we were going into the door and she wanted to make me go first. I asked why and she said so everyone on the other side of the door would say surprise to me not her. She really can sniff this stuff out. Well on the day we were going to the beach she was getting all dressed up with full make up and everything. I was pretty dense at that time and thought, “Oh good. She will look great when I propose,” not thinking that she was thinking the same thing.

When we got to the Conference Center, where we always would stop when we went to Santa Cruz, she was looking around everywhere on the way to our spot. Then she asked me point blank, “Where is Jimmy?” She even knew my friend was there! Well we get to beach and the shell is there but she doesn’t see it because she was too busy looking for my friend. I start to worry that she will either find him or he would pass out somewhere in the weeds so I point out the shell to her. She sees it and says, “Cool my mom loves these things.” She picked it up and the ring fell out and by the look on her face I knew I had her. I got down on my knee and proposed. Now most women would say yes and the violins would start playing with hugs and kisses. Instead of yes, she says, “Did you ask my dad?” Now I have an audience in the bushes and this didn’t quite go how I thought it would. I told her I did and thankfully we then had the violin moment followed by a voice from the bushes saying, “Can I come out now?”

We have story after story like that. I am so blessed to be married to my best friend and such a beautiful woman as Cheryl. She knows me better than anyone else and knows what I need to hear at the times when I am the most high and the most low. She has a way of looking at me that tells me when she is proud of me and her eyes are the most beautiful I have ever seen. To say I am lucky is an understatement. I can’t imagine my life now nineteen years into my marriage apart from her. It doesn’t mean we haven’t had our lows in addition to our highs, but we have chosen to work through those points and it has led to a strength and comfort with one another that everyone really dreams about. This strength and comfort only comes through a track record and a history and history is only built over time. I am so excited today to be married to my high school sweetheart and look forward to another nineteen years and beyond of building this history we have that we call our marriage! I love you Cheryl, and happy anniversary!

Tags: Anniversary, Marriage, My Life

I had an interesting conversation with a couple the other day about the dance that happens between men and women in married relationships. It is fascinating how we all seem to follow patterns without really understanding what is going on and as a result have conflict over thinking the other person is insensitive or not committed to the relationship when in reality, that person really not that much different from the typical man or woman out there.

In a typical relationship during the dating phase a man pursues a woman and seems to be super connected. When they are together he is intense in his connection and seems to be the most romantic and attentive man in the whole world. He makes the woman the center of the evening and everything he does seems to revolve around her. At the same time she responds to him in a way that says he is the best man in the whole world. She looks at him in such an admiring way the he is captivated by that and feels like he can take on the whole world with her by his side. Most words out of her mouth are words of encouragement and praise.

Then this couple gets married and lives with one another for a while. Over time she starts to feel like maybe his whole dating thing was just a way to trick her into marrying him. He doesn’t seem as attentive as he used to be and she is not getting as much focused attention as she seemed to get when they were dating. He seems preoccupied most of the time and doesn’t seem to want to spend much focused time with her unless it is scheduled or on a date night, but even then it doesn’t feel the same. He starts to feel like he went from being a man who could do nothing wrong to a guy who can do nothing right. Her words of praise have seemed to be replaced with words of criticism. Rather than a look of admiration he feels like she looks at him like an artist who doesn’t like what he has painted and can’t quite figure out what is wrong. They both feel like the other person has changed and have no idea how to bring the other person “back.”

Tho understand what is going on we need an understanding of the differences between our dating lives and married lives and how men and women perceive and live differently. Men tend to have the ability to focus on one thing at a time with intensity. This tendency for men to focus means that they can usually only handle one thing at a time. That is why a guy can be working on a project and the whole house could be burning down around him. Women tend to see everything as interconnected. One thing springs into another and so on. That means everything means something and women have the ability to be aware of everything around them at the same time and tend to see links between things and constantly be processing things in their mind. Just talking about this you can already see where conflict could come into a relationship.

Now go back to the dating phase of the couples relationship. For a guy that intense focus shows up in the times when they date. For that date his only focus is her. So she is the recipient of all of his attention and it feels great. But there is a point where that date ends and the man goes back home to his own place and she goes to hers. They both have to work usually so their contact is limited to some extent. What she doesn’t know is every man sees his home as a place of solitude, where he can let down and kind of disconnect from the world where he has been giving focused attention all day. So guys kind of check out many times when they get home.

What he doesn’t know is when she gets home she is still processing everything that happened and looking forward to the next time they are together.For the woman her admiration of him is based on her thoughts about him and his ability to make her feel secure through his attentiveness. She figures his thoughtfulness is interconnected with everything he does and he thinks about her every moment because, after all she is interconnected and that is how her world works.

Fast forward now to the marriage. He comes home from work expecting to unwind and disconnect from the world. She is waiting for him to come home to engage in his world and share all of the things that have been happening in her world. You can see the disconnect that happens. She views his lack of desire to connect on an ongoing basis as a sign that he has lost interest in her and he views her disappointment in him as a sign that she no longer thinks the world of him. Over time, he starts checking out more and she becomes more critical of him in an attempt to get him to connect. What they both need to understand is how each of them are built and then respond in kind. He may need a little more space to unwind and she may need a little more interaction spaced over time. I have found that when the wife gives the husband a little more space and the husband checks in with his wife on a regular basis combined with an intentional date night or some intense time together once a week helps the couple feel connected.

Most of the issues we face in relationships are based on viewing things only from our perspective and failing to see and understand the whole picture. When we do understand, however, and put into place a plan that takes into account our differences, our relationships will grow. Sure there are times when we are all insensitive, but every time we feel our spouse is insensitive may not be insensitivity at all but simply the way they are as a man or a woman.

Tags: Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Differences

Today I read Jeremiah 30-31 and the next chapter in Soulful Spirituality. How we handle situations in life have dramatic impacts on our own spiritual development and the spiritual development of others. What we perceive to be movements of God or words of wisdom from him can sometimes be nothing more than our attempts to speak into being something we desperately want to happen or in some ways to rescue God from what we perceive as bad PR. We long so much for change to happen, especially in times where life feels like it is not working right, that cause ourselves to hear a voice that we quickly qualify as the voice of God.

In Jeremiah’s day the people were living in despair over their captivity to Babylon. They couldn’t understand how this could be anything close to God’s will and their souls which had been far away from God up to that point did not have the capacity to view the situation from his perspective because they had little perspective on their own lives and how they had failed to live up to what God had commanded. So various “prophets” started speaking for God on things they perceived would happen which all related to quick and early relief from their present sufferings. As you would suspect this message was popular among the people and they chose to listen to these men instead of listening to the minority voice which was really the only voice from God (Jeremiah) who was speaking about long term suffering with a great long term outcome.

Somehow we don’t do well dealing with what we perceive is bad news in life. We tend to think that true spirituality and connection to God should equal spiritual ecstasy and for lack of a better term, good luck, when it comes to how we experience life. Most of us like to live in the world of cause and effect where we feel that certain things we do for God should have certain positive effects in our lives. The reality is, real life, authentic living, happens not only in the spiritual highs of life but in the spiritual lows as well. Our character and our sense of being fully alive in this world is the balance between these two things. In Benner’s book he talks about the spirit being the transcendent fire in our belly that drives us forward and gives us a spiritual high of sorts while the soul is the container that brings a sense of reality and grounding to life that allows us to grow in and through difficult times in life. Have spirit at the expense of soul and you have people consumed by their longings and desires that causes them to flame out or live reckless lives. Have soul at the expense of spirit and you have a life of despair, depression, and melancholy that causes them to live a lifeless and drab life. Our lives are meant to be lived in the balance between the two. Where we live life with passion but do so with a full understanding and embrace of the realities that face us everyday. This allows us to accept both good and bad from God and see both as opportunities to grow spiritually. When this happens cause and effect are not as important as how we live in the midst of life’s circumstances and how they grow our character. It allows us to be at home in our own skin and develop a depth that anchors us to God regardless of the circumstances of life. That kind of grounding allows us to deal with the reality of a message like Jeremiah delivered with a sense of hope and perspective that allows us to function within that reality.

Lord, help me to live an authentic life that balances my spirit and soul in such a way that I am rooted and anchored in you. Help me to take things as they come and strive to constantly hear your true voice in the midst of life’s circumstances. Amen.

Tags: Discipleship, Jeremiah

In the previous post I talked about the myths singles have when it comes to dating and how those myths do more to damage their prospects for a lifelong relationship than they do to guarantee a happy result. When it comes down to it, everyone wants guarantees especially when it comes to something as intimate as a relationship. The reality is, there are no guarantees and nothing you do can somehow create a guarantee. We are human and as a result we all make mistakes and hurt one another. But there are ways we can enjoy the process and create an environment of openness and honesty that are essential for any good relationship to thrive. Let’s look at some counters to the myths we discussed previously.

First, the concept of having a list is not a bad one in and of itself. Where it usually goes wrong is in the execution of that list. Most lists I have seen have characteristics down to the hair color of the other person or having to like basket weaving like I do. What I have found is that these lists are really based on a level of selfishness. The more we live the less we are willing to compromise the things we enjoy doing. There is also a level of pain involved as well. I have been hurt so many times that I am going to narrow the list to make sure that doesn’t happen again. So rather than being flexible to learn new things or to have somethings that we enjoy but our spouse wouldn’t, we put it on a list and make it a non-negotiable. I would never have married my wife if I made my love of playing basketball a thing that my future wife would have to love and do with me. So based on something I had on my list I would have eliminated the woman who I can truly say is a perfect match for me and the love of my life. How many people have you discarded because of your list?

Instead of having a narrow list have a short list of non-negotiables. On that list I would have things like, must be a follower of Jesus Christ and committed to following Him, must be a trustworthy person of character, and I should be attracted to the person. That’s pretty much it. You could add some other things to it but I would keep it simple which would increase the potential people you could date and would probably lead to finding someone who would surprise you. Most great relationships are between people who are opposites. I know many people think this would only create a lot of conflict but I have seen the same level of conflict between people who are the same, they just argue over whose way of doing the same thing is the best. Open up your list and see what happens in your dating life. You might be surprised!

Second, the idea that you can somehow speed up the process to avoid wasting time with someone who doesn’t end up being your spouse is not only a myth but a near guarantee that you will not find someone. Think about it, if you turn every date into a job interview you are communicating a few things to the person you are dating. First, you are saying you are the judge and jury on whether or not this person is worthy to date you. It makes you critical right off the bat and most people don’t want to be graded on their performance. Plus who’s to say they are not evaluating you? How would you feel with someone interrogating you? Second, you are saying that you are desperate and if the person passes the quiz you might propose to them on the second date. Third, it communicates you are not into them as a person but as the potential of who they could be for you. Everyone wants to be loved and cherished for who they are not who they could become.

Instead of speeding up the process, relax. Allow the relationship to naturally develop and it will be clear over time if this relationship will lead to marriage or not. You cannot speed up the process to fit your timeline. Just like everyone else on the planet you have to go through this process of discovery and getting to know each other so you might as well relax instead of being stressed out over an imaginary timeline you have created for your life. If you really want to get married you will only get there by being yourself and enjoying getting to know another person and having them get to know you. Besides if you relax the odds are you will find the other person likes you more that way than if you are a stressed out interrogator!

Next, basing your decision on whether the other person is going through the proper protocol on how you think relationships should work is not a good way to go about a relationship. First you have to figure out how universally known your protocol is. Not everyone thinks the way you do and if they have some other protocol they are working on you could both miss each other miserably. Just because a guy does not make a move after your predetermined time does not mean he is not a good leader or will be wishy washy his whole life. Most likely he has been burned in the past and is afraid to take the risk of being rejected again. He is also probably missing the “signals” you think are so clear that you are giving him. Just because she doesn’t seem to respond to every joke, gift or idea you have with enthusiasm does not mean she is bored with you. It may just be that your expectations are too high for how she should respond. Rather than wait for perfect protocol, take the risk yourself and be honest. Talk about how you feel and where you see the relationship going. It is ok for the woman to ask the guy about where he is at in the next step of the relationship (within reason time-wise. See number two above). He might actually be relieved you asked. It is ok as a guy to ask what she thinks of something without looking weak. She would probably appreciate the fact you asked.

Finally, the mind reading and interpretation that goes on with the “tea leaf” crowd does nothing to help a relationship in fact it only creates more problems. It is exhausting trying to interpret every word, lack of word, action, or lack of action. Not only is it exhausting but if you interpret it wrong, which you will 90 percent of the time, you can end up having a negative attitude towards the other person that they feel without being able to figure out why you are mad other than you are just a jerk. If most people are mind readers than I would have to say they are all not very good at it based on the conflict I see that comes from imaginary insults and events. If you want a healthy relationship you have to talk about the things you are unclear about and begin to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. If he or she didn’t call it doesn’t mean they are not interested it may just mean they are busy or working at that time. If they are not enthusiastic every time they get a call from you it probably means they are normal not that they are no longer interested. Do yourself a favor and relax and stop reading into everything. Allow the natural flow of events to happen in a relationship and watch the results. If you are uncertain about something or think the person is trying to tell you something non verbally, ask. Yep I said it, ask. It won’t mean you are too needy unless you ask about everything. But if you are truly unsure occasionally asking instead of assuming will only lead to greater clarity and understanding which are critical for every healthy relationship to develop.

Dating is already a tricky thing. Making it more difficult with the myths out there can only lead to more disappointment. But if you choose to allow the process to naturally take place by being yourself and giving it time, you might just find a relationship you would never have considered in the past and if you think about it, that’s how most people who are married found one another. It was usually the last person they would have thought of. So relax and enjoy the process.

Tags: Relationships, Dating, Singles

Dating is one of those things that causes most people a lot of anxiety, especially in the single world. Relationships are already hard enough to establish and maintain with two independent people trying to figure out how to relate to one another in this identity called a “relationship.” Add to that the pressure to find the “one” who you will marry, have a family with and hopefully grow old with and you have a recipe for a difficult process. With all this pressure put on a few hours with another person who may or may not fit the profile of “marrying material” it is no wonder so many singles have been frustrated and lose a sense of hope when it comes to having all of their dreams come true. There are so many myths surrounding this dating process with advice coming from every corner, how do you navigate that advice? Here are some of my thoughts on where this advice goes wrong.

First you have the “list” people. You know how this works. You are told to make a list of all of the things you want in a person and then you go out and find a person to fit your list. It is kind of like shopping for a mate. After all, we shop for just about everything else in life, why not a future spouse? You are told to stick to your guns when it comes to your list and never compromise on that list. So singles go out and make a list that only God could fulfill and they wonder why they are not meeting new people or finding the right person to marry. Never mind that many of them could not live up to their own list or if the person on their list had his/her own list they wouldn’t be on it. With such a narrow list of attributes and things the person wants in a spouse, they miss so many opportunities around them because they would never consider anyone who doesn’t fit the list.

Then you have the “don’t waste your time” people. These are the people who say that you are only wasting time if you allow a relationship to develop over time only to find out that person wasn’t the one. So instead of wasting your time trying to figure out if this person is marrying material or not try to figure it out on the first date or second if you are not really efficient with your time. So you go out on a date and turn it into a job interview asking all kinds of questions, many of an extremely personal nature, to a person who you just met. Of course never mind the fact that you are projecting that this date is not for fun but an evaluation of the other person’s potential performance as an adequate suitor for marriage. What person doesn’t love having their performance evaluated? Everyone likes performance reviews at work right?

Next, you have what I like to call the “proper protocol” people. These people know how relationships are supposed to work and don’t cross any lines when it comes to those generally known rules. If someone doesn’t play by these universal rules than they must not be the right person to marry. You know what these rules are. The man is supposed to take the initiative when it comes to the relationship. He should know what he wants and he should do all the directing and asking in the relationship. If he doesn’t, then it shows he is not a good leader or is a terrible decision maker and therefore not a good candidate to lead a relationship. The woman is supposed to be good at following the lead and should look like a super model every time you see her. If not she may be too bossy or critical or only taking care of herself to get a guy and then will let herself go after they get married. Or you could have the reverse of these roles depending on each person’s perspective on how relationships should go.

Finally, you have what I call the “tea leaf” people. These people try to read the signs and determine whether a person is interested and what every move the person makes or doesn’t make really means for the relationship. Everything is analyzed from how soon the person calls or texts back to what certain conversations and topics really mean. He didn’t call back for two hours it must mean he is not interested in me. She didn’t laugh at my joke. It must mean she finds me boring. There is no end to the analysis and second guessing that goes on with this group. More time is spent on deciphering than is spent on really getting to know the other person and allowing the relationship to develop.

Each of these types of dating approaches usually leads to the same place, the end of a potential relationship. People are complex and yes you want to make sure you are making the right decisions when it comes to investing the direction of your life with someone else. But if you don’t allow that relationship time to develop and breathe without all the expectations and evaluations you are tempted to put on it, you will have a difficult time finding a relationship that could lead to marriage. In the next article I will discuss counters to each of the types of people above and some ways you can begin to overcome these mentalities to make yourself someone who others can relax with.

Tags: Relationships, Singles

A question I get frequently is what do we do if our marriage in not in a good place? What types of things should we do to move in the direction of making our relationship healthier? If you find yourself in a place of conflict and you want to start resolving it yourself, here are a few things you can do to get back on track and start moving in the direction of health:

First, you need to look at yourself. The problem most of us have in relationships is we are experts on what the other person is doing wrong. We instantly become mini-psychologists and can tell you everything that is wrong with our spouses and what they need to do get on the path towards healing. So all of our focus is on the aspect of our marriages we can’t control! If you have ever seen your spouse as a fixer-upper and tried to change him/her you have probably found what a frustrating and exhausting effort this is. The reason is, no one likes to be a fixer-upper and everyone wants to be accepted for who they are not for what they might become. So the only thing you can change in your marriage directly is yourself. Start with looking at who you are in the marriage and where you are failing and make changes in your own responses and how you relate to your spouse and see what happens. Many times it only takes one person to make changes in their life to cause the other person to have to adjust and make changes too. Now you must remember not to change as a way to manipulate your spouse to change. That doesn’t work. Make changes yourself because you believe it is the right thing to do and expect nothing in return and leave the results up to God.

Second, overcome your fears and choose to move towards your spouse. This is usually the most difficult part because we get into a stalemate in our relationships where we are waiting for the other person to flinch first. We figure we have tried everything we can think of and the ball is now in the other person’s court. The problem is both of you are thinking the same thing and no one moves. I usually ask couples, “whats the worse things that can happen?” If your relationship is moving in the wrong the direction the worst thing that can happen is it continues to move that direction. But if you try something different you might get different results. Most men are afraid of being put down and losing another argument so they check out. Guys you need to overcome those fears and choose to engage your spouse in a loving way and see what happens. Women tend to fear being a door mat and walked all over if they try to engage. Over come that fear and try to engage your husband without trying to change him and see what happens. If we overcome our fears and make positive strides many times that starts to move the marriage in the right direction.

Finally, focus on what you are grateful for instead of what you want to change. What you choose to focus on will dictate what your attitude will be. If you always focus on the negative and what is wrong with your spouse and marriage you will only see the negative which will fuel your anger. If you choose to focus on what is right and the positive aspects of your relationship your attitude will change to one of gratitude and your responses will be more positive. Your attitude needs to be checked when it comes to your marriage. Many times the only thing that changes is not the other person but our attitudes.

Now I know that this seems simplistic and in many ways it is. Sometimes it is the small things that can make this biggest difference and focusing on these things can really help the state of your marriage. Don’t expect instant results or some kind of miracle. These things take time and having a long term view will help with your outlook. Making these adjustments in our attitudes and expectations can lead us in the direction of a healthy marriage.

Tags: Marriage, Conflict

For quite a while I struggled with paying my cable company for a phone line in the house. Sure I got a basic discount off of my “bundled” services, but I really couldn’t justify paying for a phone that we rarely used or when we did use it, we got charged by the minute for calls we made. When we did use it most of the calls were long distance to our family. So with the shift in the economy and my desire to rid myself of as many ongoing bills as possible I set out to find a solution to cutting the cord on my local phone bill.

In my search for the perfect solution I was chatting with a guy at my local Starbucks who said he had made the move to a VOIP phone company called Ooma. I decided to check it out and I am glad I did. Ooma is basically a voice over internet phone which means that it plugs into your existing internet connection and routes phone calls over the internet. So it is basically piggy backing off of your internet connection and therefore saves you from having to pay for phone calls (with the exception of international calls). Since many of us are paying for our broadband internet anyway this is a great way to leverage what you already have to get free phone service.

Getting Started
To get started with Ooma you need to buy an Ooma box. This box looks like any other phone machine and, in fact, includes a phone machine function. You plug the box into your router and then plug your existing phones into the Ooma box. Depending on the phones you have in your house you can use either wireless phones by plugging the main base station into the Ooma box and having that base station give the signal to the other wireless phones without having to plug into the wall. Or you can plug the Ooma into the wall and get smaller Ooma base stations, called Scouts or Telos, that you then plug into your phone sockets to allow for multiple phones in the house. I personally use a Panasonic wireless phone system with the main base station plugged into the Ooma with the other panasonic phones and chargers plugged in at various places in the house.

Once Ooma is plugged in, you walk through a set up wizard on your computer that helps you get your number set up, your voicemail customized and tests your connection. I found the process to be pretty easy with no hiccups at all. You get a free trial of their Premier service which adds other things like a second phone number, an instant second line so if one person is on one of your phones you can pick up another phone and have a dial tone to call out, Blacklists and phone number blocking, free 250 minutes on their mobile app to make calls over your data connection on your cell phone to save your cell minutes, and all kinds of other feature. To keep those features beyond the trial it costs $9.99 a month. You can read more about these features here: http://www.ooma.com/premier.

Getting Messages
You have access to your voicemail messages either from the Ooma box, from your phone if it has that feature, through the Ooma website, and you can even have Ooma text you when you have a phone message at home or pay $9.99 a month for a service that will transcribe your message to text and text or email it to you. On the website you can view your phone messages visually instead of going through them one at a time in a row, save messages, and organize them into folders. You can also see who has called in and who you have called and have a running record of phone numbers. There is a contact list you can add and with Premier you can add numbers to the global Blacklist that is constantly updated by other Ooma users. The web interface is a nice way to have your home phone and messages easily accessible while on the road.

Voice Quality
Now my biggest concern about Ooma was the voice quality. I have used other VOIP services and found that the voice quality was poor making me sound like I was in a tin can or had a lot of popping noises in the background. With Ooma I have been amazed at how good the phone quality has been. I have had friends and family tell me it sounded really good and I have not had any of the problems I have experienced with other VOIP services. It is really amazing how good the service is.

It Really is Free(or Really Cheap)
Now I know many of you are wondering, Is it really free after you buy the box? What’s the catch? Well that depends on how you use the service and what box you choose to get. If you get the older Ooma Hub and Scout combination than your service is completely free anywhere in the United States (you have to pay for international calls but the prices are quite good). If you get the newer Ooma Telo units you have to pay your monthly local taxes which are usually around $3-$5. I have the Ooma Hub and Scout and feel like I am not missing much with not having the Telo unit which includes HD voice, bluetooth connectivity for using your cell phone or wireless headset, and the ability to integrate your google voice account. The choice is yours but compared to what I was paying before the monthly taxes make this a huge bargain. So with me having the Hub and Scout combo I got my Ooma unit on sale for $180 and because I had wireless phones I sold the scout unit to the guy in the coffee shop for $50 which means I paid $130 out the door for free phone service for life. So in 3 months I had basically paid for the unit and have been enjoying free home phone service for the past year. If you are in the market for a home phone and are tired of having to look over a phone bill or cut your long distance calls short for fear of what your bill will look like, I would definitely consider Ooma. You won’t be sorry.

Tags: Cable, Phone

I just got done filing my taxes online using Intuit’s Turbo Tax Deluxe Edition. Until trying Turbo Tax last year I had always filed my taxes through an accountant. I decided to try Turbo Tax because I felt like my taxes were fairly simple and I noticed that all the same lines on my tax form were filled out every year for several years and I figured it couldn’t be that hard to file my taxes if my situation wasn’t changing enough year to year to cause any change in my filing. So I got a copy of Turbo Tax last year and compared the results of my previous year’s return with what Turbo Tax came up with and found the same identical lines filled out. So I have decided to use the program to file my taxes and I found it really pays off in the years after your first filing so I thought I would share my review here.

Start Up
When you first start up Turbo Tax it asks if you want to import data from your previous year’s taxes. Since I had my 2009 Turbo Tax file on my computer the program found it and began to import it. Once it had finished the import and recent software updates it took me to the Personal Information Screen and there was all my personal data just as I had entered it last year including social security numbers. I love the fact that I did not need to look anything up to have to fill out the same information again. It was all imported for me.



The Easy Wizard
From there Turbo Tax walks you through a series of questions that help you to determine what your income figures and deductions are. I love the fact that everything I had put in last year was already filled in for me. I just had to update my W2 forms and the actual numbers I received from all my financial institutions and figures from my wife’s home business. Everything was right there and the process was smooth.




Error Check
Once you have put all your information in, the program checks to make sure nothing is missing or out of place. If it finds something that you are missing it comes back asking you questions to help you finish putting in anything my may have missed. If you get stuck and are not sure if you should fill in that information or want to know where it is on the form you can simply click the form button on the top left of the window and you are taken to a screen that shows all the forms that will be used on the left and an actual editable form on the right. Any form that is missing information has a red exclamation point next to it. Once you update that information the red exclamation point goes away letting you know you are all set. This adds confidence as you know the system is checking all the bases.

State Filing
The state filing was also very well put together and up to date. Everything from my Federal Tax form was transferred to my state form so I had very little to input. I live in a state that requires you to pay taxes on purchases you made out of state or on the internet. Turbo Tax had that information available for input complete with each counties tax rate making it easy to input. The same error correction that is available on the Federal tax portion was available for the state portion as well.

Print & E-File
When you are all done with your tax preparation you are asked if you are ready to file your taxes. Before you file you have the opportunity to review and print the actual tax forms. I usually save the files as pdf’s so have them with all of my other forms electronically. You are then asked if you want to e-file or mail your forms in. I choose e-file due to speed of my return. The E-file information is pre-filled out from last year including my bank information and how I paid for the state e-file last year. So all I had to do was confirm the information and send it off. The beauty of Turbo Tax is the fact that they update you every step of the process. You get an email telling you your returns were filed. You also get emails telling you the government accepted your return and have in their possession. You can then check where your return is in the process all the way to the point where your check is mailed. Pretty cool stuff!

Overall I am pleased with my experience with Turbo Tax. The ability to do my taxes myself in a couple of hours for a fraction of the price I was paying an accountant makes it a great deal. The software does a good job covering all the bases including my tax status as a Minister which has it’s own set of complexities. I would highly recommend it if you have a pretty straight forward tax situation and are tired of paying an accountant.

Tags: Sofware