Talking to Your Spouse About Finances

06/11/14 08:12 Filed in: Marriage

When couples are asked to list the things that cause stress in their marriages, money always comes up in the top five. There is something about money that causes issues for people no matter what their marital status. Add another person who you share your earnings with and now you have a major source of discussion and debate. What is it about money in a marriage that causes so much stress? And, how do you begin to talk with your spouse about money in a way that both partners understand one another and can move forward together?

Start with You
When it comes to talking about money, it is important to have a handle on your own triggers, goals, and ideas on how to manage it. Before you talk to your spouse about money ask yourself: How do I feel about budgeting our money? What things do I typically spend money on that I could eliminate if need be? What are my goals for our money? Are those goals realistic? Or, are those goals built around my own agenda for what I want?

Consider Your Spouse
Once you have had a chance to wrestle down your own thoughts and feelings about money, it is important to begin to think about your spouse and how he/she views money. Does your spouse share your views on money? In what ways would my money habits cause my spouse anxiety? How good of a job do you do of communicating about money to each other? Where would my spouse say I mishandle our money? The more you understand where your spouse is coming from the better your conversation about money will be. Like other areas of your marriage, understanding your spouses perspective will go a long way to avoiding blow ups and conflict when it comes to discussing money.

Sit Down and Talk Together
Once you have both prepared yourselves by understanding your own views on money and what you think your spouses’ views are, set aside some time to talk about your finances together. Start with a word of prayer together to set the tone for your discussion. Invite the Lord into your conversation and pray for His wisdom on how you handle your finances. Then begin to talk about your finances together. As you discuss these things do the following:

1. This is not a business negotiation: Don’t treat your spouse as an opponent to out negotiate to get what you want. Instead, you need to see your spouse as a partner who has an equal share in what you do with your finances.

2. Come with what you will give up: Instead of defending your spending habits, each of you come with things you are willing to give or cut back for the sake of the budget. That will keep either of you from digging in and not compromising together.

3. Keep the good of the family in the long run ahead of what you might not get in the short run: This is about planning for your future together which means some sacrifice is inevitable.

4. Remember to honor your spouse in the conversation: This discussion is about your future together. Don’t belittle or dishonor your spouse in the process of having this conversation. If at any time you find that you are getting mad at each other or going to name calling, quit and come back to it later. If you feel you can’t over come your impasse, ask for help from a mentor couple or someone at your church. You never want money to become an issue that comes between you.

Talking about money can be difficult but it can also be a bonding experience if you are willing to hang in there and see it as an opportunity to get on the same page and have the same goals together. There will always be times where you will not agree 100% but how you handle those times of disagreement could help you grow closer together.

Tags: Finances